Little Secrets
by coldqueen
Summary: They mean something different to each other, something more than either expected, something they'd never known they were missing. Rush/TJ


**Title: **Little Secrets

**Genre: **Television

**Series: **Stargate Universe

**Characters: **Lieutenant Tamara Johansen, Dr. Nicholas Rush

**Spoilers: **1x20-_Incursion (Part Two)_

**Rating: **R, mature sexual content

**Summary: **They mean something different to each other, something more than either expected, something they'd never known they were missing.

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There were some nights where they said nothing, where every touch was a conversation they'd already had and every kiss was a secret they'd shared only with each other. Then there were other nights when he couldn't stop the words that came from his lips, confessions of past sins or theories of _Destiny'_s systems that couldn't be stemmed by fingers or lips. She laid beside him on those nights, watched with sleepy eyes as he gesticulated and rambled on, first in layman terms in deference to her lack of knowledge, but gradually growing more littered with technical terms that she didn't understand and didn't resent. His intelligence had been what had attracted her first, sharp wit and hard looks from his brown eyes that never affected her as he intended and eventually gave way to sardonic flirting and a protective nature she'd never known he had.

"...we're monitoring the density of the cosmic filamentary structure, and I believe that if it increases by even a dozen more hydrogen atoms per meter the ship could begin to lose speed, which could mean we don't have the forward impetus to cross the void. Dr. Park is-" Rush paused and managed to express both disdain and amusement in one small shift of his eyebrow, "eager to obtain an example of the plasma, however I'm more concerned about the temperature. From Destiny's measurements the core temperature of the ship has already risen 5 degrees. If we should enter a more dense section of the void, the plasma could cause damage to the ship in addition to slowing us down." He paused again, tilting his head just so as she very deliberately ran her nails down his back. She smiled at him and nodded slightly, a gesture for him to continue. "The discovery of the filaments is a good sign, it indicates that we're in a super-cluster, and thus the next galaxy, in terms of the universe, won't be a large distance away. However, in terms of distance in the universe even 'not too far' isn't close enough if our speed decreases."

TJ smiled and nodded, though he'd honestly lost her attention somewhere around his description of intergalactic medium theories. She liked to hear him speak, however, and his Scottish brogue both comforted her and turned her on in the odd combination of emotions that he never failed to induce. "Have you brought your concerns to Colonel Young or Wray?" She asked in an attempt to actually join the conversation, stretching out on the bed behind him.

Rush shrugged off the suggestion, turning towards her to smile softly to gentle his acerbic response. "There's not a point. If any of this happens we won't be able to change things. If we power up the ship to leave hazardous space, we risk not being able to restart the ship when we reach the next galaxy. If we don't power the ship when we need to, we risk being destroyed or being damaged too much to do so again."

"Don't let it get to you," TJ replied, reaching out and running her hand down his unshaven jaw, enjoying the way it rasped against the delicate skin of her palm. "You can't change it, can't prevent it, can't fix something that hasn't gone wrong yet." She knew it was a fruitless endeavor, trying to stop his mind from going to that dark pessimistic place where it liked to play, but she could try.

"I have Eli stretching the sensors as far as they will go, pushing them to give us more information on the same amount of power, but it might help if I were to-"

"No," TJ interrupted, reaching out and wrapping her fingers around his arm, tugging him towards her. "This is my time, you're not allowed to work during our time."

"I just thought to-"

"Nope."

"TJ, be reasonable," Rush ordered even as he leaned closer and pressed his face to hers, nuzzling her neck just below her ear. He knew it was her weak spot, that the shivers were already sliding down her back and her toes curling.

TJ smiled against his cheek, and expertly maneuvered her body so that she could wrap her legs around his waist. Then in a move perfected in repeated training exercises, she neatly spun under him and flipped him onto his back. "Eli is most likely asleep, well deserved, and I'm not going to let you wake him up. Besides, you need to sleep, too."

Rush mock glared at her from where he now lay sprawled beneath her, quite comfortable with the familiar weight of her sitting astride. "For someone used to taking orders, you're quite bossy."

She leaned down and pressed a kiss against his lips, watching with satisfaction as the chocolate of his eyes darkened dangerously as his pupils dilated and his hands tightened on her bare thighs. "You need someone to run roughshod over you, otherwise you are a mess."

"Speaking of...is that my shirt you're wearing, Lt. Johansen?" His accent grew thicker as the tension between them grew thicker. TJ leaned back and continued to watch his eyes, pulling at a button near the top and nodding slowly. "No wonder my shirts are always wrinkled if you're rolling about in them."

She shrugged and fought the smile that was pulling at her mouth. They were playing a dangerous game, one they'd both agreed was too precarious and would be best left alone, but in a dimly lit room in the middle of the night neither really cared to remember the reasons. It'd been so long since they'd touched like this, since either had felt their self control was strong enough to resist. "It smelled like you," she explained softly, "and you were working late."

His hands tightened on her legs, instinctive reaction to the invitation in her voice, and TJ bit her bottom lip to stop her own response. Her body was begging her to move, to slide along his sinewy body until the tension inside her reached the breaking point, but her logical mind was still in control and she knew that the decision wasn't just hers. There were risks involved, a foregone conclusion that would wreak havoc in everyone's lives, not just their own.

Rush sat up beneath her, his chest aligned perfectly with hers, his hands sliding up her back and exposing her bare skin to the warm air of the room. "We shouldn't," he said into the skin of her shoulder, her hair fluttering under the harsh huff of air as he sighed.

Her arms slid around his shoulders, her hands delving into the silky threads of his hair until she cradled his face within her hands. "We really shouldn't. It's just a bad idea, all around."

TJ had been preaching abstinence to the crew for weeks, ever since the little birth control that had been brought with them from Icarus Base had run out. Not everyone had a sexual partner, but those that did had burned through the short supply of condoms very quickly. Re-use wasn't out of the question, and was better than nothing, but the situation wasn't a safe one in any way. Pregnancy here on the ship would be a disaster in the making, and she was the best example of a cautionary tale.

That didn't stop the burst of lust that spiraled out from the core of her body, however. She and Rush had made love before, several times, and it was always phenomenal and left her wanting more. They both knew that the ecstasy might not be worth the price, though, and tried to control their libidos as much as possible.

It'd been three weeks since she'd last felt him inside her. Every fiber of her being ached with the need for him, missed the feel of him, wanted the taste of him and the weight of him. Suddenly her control didn't seem so strong.

Looking into his dark eyes TJ knew that he had the same thoughts and without regret she sank fully into his lap, their bodies fitting together as if by design rather than coincidence. She could feel his body stiff beneath her, the cords of his muscles holding rigid under her hands as she pressed her nails in his skin. Her hips began to rock, first minutely, then in more strident motions as his own body mimicked her movements. His hands fisted in the material that stretched across her back, holding her to his chest tightly even as his mouth and teeth nipped their way across her jawline. She could feel a noise in the back of her throat, a moan trapped by lack of breath, and it screamed for freedom even as her teeth clenched around it.

Rush's mouth finally caught hers and the electric touch of it faltered the rhythm of their bodies, and with a sigh TJ found she could breath again, as long as it was his breath she shared. Their mouths slanted together again and again, tongues thrusting and retreating in unconscious harmony with the dance of their lower bodies. TJ pulled at the t-shirt he wore, regretting the loss of his kiss even as her hands feasted on his newly bared skin. His own fingers made quick work of the buttons on the shirt that she wore and soon it too was thrown aside.

TJ knew that she wasn't as soft as his wife, wasn't as delicate, and though both women were blonde that was where the similarities ended. TJ was glad for that fact, however, because he couldn't be this way with his wife. He couldn't release his control with her, couldn't be the scrappy survivor from Glasgow that raked his nails across her back and left a bite mark on her shoulder. His wife had been a lady, classy and though not removed from sensuality, Rush had never felt comfortable being anything other than gentle and loving with her.

TJ, however, knew what it was to fight your way through the act, to push and take in greedy consumption until you either couldn't move or couldn't take anymore. She liked that edge, danced on it and could drag Rush to that point with little provocation or regret. She wanted his mark on her body, wanted sheer exhaustion to keep her from stirring from his side; it was an addiction she hadn't fed in far too long.

She could feel it again, the terrible tension in her muscles that left her shaking with pleasure even as her body burned with the effort of building it. Her name on his lips was a muffled vibration against her skin and she tossed her head back and tried to suck in air that couldn't get past the pounding of her heart. She loved this part of making love, when every touch and every sound is just static in the background and all she could feel was her heart in her chest and the way it echoed in the pulse points of her body. TJ always felt like she could hover in that blank space forever, with no thoughts and no worries, just her and him and the delicious sensation of "_almost_".

Nicholas jerked beneath her, pushing her hips from his own and breaking magnetic pull between them with rough hands. "TJ," her name was a curse on his tongue, his eyes sparkling with fire as she shifted to stand before him. Her knees felt shaky at taking her weight so suddenly, but then his hands were sliding her underwear down her legs and she felt like he was the anchor in a shaky world. Rush, who always knew what to do, what to say; he'd never let her fall unless he knew he could catch her.

Then it was a new moment, her bare as the day she was born, and his hand brushing across the small scars that criss-crossed her chest and abdomen, remnants of a bad day months ago when he hadn't been able to catch her. TJ caught his hand in her own, twining her fingers through his own and moving back towards him, kissing him fiercely even as she pulled at the waistband of his slacks. She didn't want him to remember the broken woman who'd crawled away from that situation, though it was through that hell that she'd found him. He'd been the only one who'd realized that she didn't need to be fixed, she was more than capable of doing that on her own. He'd stepped back, no patronizing, no comfort, and through his silence she'd found a peace she'd never expected.

They were both finally unclothed and she moved back into his arms without a sound, their bodies joining intimately with an ease that belied the adrenaline rushing through their bodies. He laid back on the bed, his hands grasping her waist tightly and guiding her movements even as his eyes closed from the sensations that washed through him. TJ gasped as her body jumped at the contact, already racing back up the climb to orgasm from their petting only minutes before. Her hands wrapped around his biceps, nails digging in lightly as her skin began to warm and glisten in the dim light. Her back bowed and her head tilted back, her hair long enough that she could feel it tickling across the back of their legs and it only added another dimension to the sensory overload that bombarded her from every side.

She could taste him on the back of her tongue, and the sharp taste of copper as she bit down on her tongue and fought to hold back the sensation that fought to pull her under. She couldn't hear anything over the beat of her heart and the thick brogue-laden nonsensical words her lover didn't even realize he was speaking. Under her fingers, soft curling hairs matted with their mingling sweat, and the smell of him, part cold and sharp metal from his work with the ship and part something that was pure Rush, something earthy and heavy, rose in the air and she smiled at the familiar scent even as her body and his began to come together harder and without finesse.

"Nicholas," she breathed softly, trying desperately to see his face, though her vision had long since become sensation crossed and unreliable. Yet, there was his face rising through the dark to press fervent kisses to her lips, nipping at her lips and rubbing her cheeks roughly with stubble.

There was no control then, only two bodies searching frantically for a nirvana that remained out of reach. There was no space between them, only slick skin sliding and muscles that ached from the movements that brought them together again and again. TJ didn't know how long she could go on like this, reaching for something that was so close yet so far, and then Rush slid his hand down and touched her, a light touch in just the right spot, and she was spinning away from reality.

It felt like every muscle in her body had been pulled taut, stretched beyond their breaking points, and now suddenly they'd all been released and all that momentum just came rushing back to her, sizzling across her skin and burrowing down to her bones. Her body continued to move, and she knew that Rush was close as well and she wanted him here with her, but her body had slipped her control and was moving on it's own. It was convulsing around him compulsively, greedily grasping and releasing as the shock waves continued to resonate through the shell of her.

Rush wrapped his arms around her waist, rolling until her back hit the cool bedspread. He moved inside her, his arms pulling her knees higher as his hips ground into her own and then he was there, his seed a warm rush through her loins that set off more shock waves to join those that continued to crawl beneath her skin.

His weight was a welcome burden, and they stayed joined as their sweat cooled and their bodies settled. TJ felt him kiss the crown of her head, his lips brushing the soft baby hairs that curled on her temple, before sliding down and gently tasting her lips again. He moved away from her,laying himself at her side, and she missed his warmth immediately. Rush wrapped his arm around her waist, though, and pulled her close. She fit against him solidly, their heads shared the same pillow, the legs tangled together beneath the coverlet.

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Review, please.

**Author's Note: **Thanks to Zhian'tara for a post-publish beta!


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